Balancing Act

It's fascinating how sometimes a theme seems to emerge between random things that cross your path.

This past week seems to be a lot about balance....

Suppose with the start of a new year there's a lot of people thinking about how to improve, how to get more balance: my twitter feed seems to be dominated by people seeking balance or "helpful" articles on how to get organised, stress less, drink less, eat less.

Then last week up popped the storm surrounding the disparity between the pay of male and female graduates - my legal industry being amongst the culprits.  That seems to be a lot about balance as well, a different type of balance.

Many jumped straight on the bandwagon of presuming it meant that a firm taking on male and female graduates were paying lining the two of them up and employing the male for more.  However, the study, which does have some questions around it, was looking at the median gap.  Now Pete will be horrified at the thought that I am analysing something so mathematical, but to me a difference in the median is demonstrating more that women are being employed in the lower paying graduate positions.  Now being someone who obtained my graduate position in the country (and was employed at the then award rate of $12,500) I can see how that might be happening.  I also know that there graduate wages in the law are now paid more realistically and that there is less of a gap between city and country on graduate wages but I suspect seeing less women in the higher paid areas might still be happening.

If my theory is even partly correct, why are women graduates pushed to that end?  Commentators were suggesting it has nothing to do with family issues as graduates are only 25.  Is it though that employers are cherry picking against those likely to be balancing family demands in the future?  For lawyers, is it because there are many mature-aged female graduates who have other demands competing with what jobs they can accept?

If that wasn't enough to make me feel a little unbalanced, I then got to an item on my to-do-list at work which put me right into the balance zone - been meaning to do it for a while but actually got around to having a go at drafting some family-friendly flexible work guidelines and practices for my own firm (yeah, shoe makers children not shod).  We have a number of support staff working a variety of arrangements and have that area done well.  But for our lawyers?  In drafting (ironcially occurying while Pete took the boys to the pool) I could draw on many, many experiences I have had over the last 7 and a bit years of combining full time work and being a mother to some very little people (including one very sick little girl).  But what is balance?  How do you help someone in that position? Isn't there a lot more we can do?

Load on top of that then the balance of the school holidays.  Having had 6 weeks away from the office this year at RCH (note I said away from the office, wasn't all not working) and so on I ditched my earlier idea of being able to take all of January off and came up with this complicated spreadsheet of sharing the holiday load.  It includes a week of me and Pete working what could only be described as one doing the early shift, one doing the late shift.  Then there was the working from home morning where I discovered our servers remote connection had shut off during Christmas - and it is not back yet!  

Balance, it was getting there.

Despite those hitches I thought we might be right, I even had a chart of all our dinners for January organised, including nominating nights for new recipes.  However this grand plan was depedent upon Raff having some creche time and Remus having some office time .......then the balance was upended by a dose of the chicken pox.

Mentioning this to others, seems there's lots of parents out there doing the holiday shuffle.  I was amazed the other night to hear a talkback radio topic was how are you managing if you are a holiday bachelor/bachelorette - in the city home alone having left the rest of the family down the coast.  Does that actually happen these days?  That seems a world away from most experiences I know

So balance, it is popping up everywhere but I haven't seen too many solutions.  Sometimes I feel like there are a lot of hungry hippos around............. (and I must clean the top of that game, look how smudgy it is)

New Year Resolutions

Only one of these a day (the latte, not the random motorbike)

I love New Years Resolutions.....love the idea of a fresh start, a new chance, the daydreams of what life will be like with all the goals achieved.

Many a Christmas break has been spent lounging around with friends finishing the last of the Christmas bubbles and chocolates as we plan what our resolutions will be, sometimes focussing more on setting the rewards than the goals.  For a few years a group of us maintained a regime involving monthly spreadsheets where we reported on progress against resolutions.....there's probably an app for that now.

While many of the resolutions pop up year after year there have been some spectacular successes.  I think my best success was the year one resolution was to not buy bottled water, succeeded on not only doing that but sticking with it since then.  On the other hand there would be more resolutions thought that repeat from year to year.

So this year:

1. Lose 20 kilos

Yeah, a constant on the list! and I could aim for even more than 20kg but let's say 20 at this stage.  It's like hitting play on the recorder: record everything I eat and drink, drink more water, smaller serving sizes etc etc.  Really, the last 18 months has been a write off for focussing on such things, so here goes

2. Exercise 30 minutes every day

Yes, it is really part of resolution 1.  Yes it can be averaged out with the next day if you miss a day.  it's just about moving more

3. run a 5km fun run

So, resolution 2 if done well becomes resolution 3.  A big one.   Seems like the pavements are pounding at the moment with everyone doing couch to 5k, count me in.  Aiming to do this by August.

4. No more than 2 lattes per day

I can drink litres of milk a day on lattes, must stop doing that.  I can do it, just need to re-set.

5. Only buy lunch once per week

Yep, I'm signing up to one of the most popular New Years resolutions

6. Read at least 26 books in 2013

Read 18 last year according to Goodreads

7. No i-product use between getting home and 9pm mon to fri and before 5 of a weekend.

Starting when go back to work next week, obviously!  Must convince myself that as I no longer have the excuse of hours on the couch breastfeeding, that means I can't spend hours on the couch on the iPad.  Who knows, it might even motivate me to explore that new-fangled web-enabled treadmill at gym for pinning and tweeting.

8. Cake only once a month

In Melbourne for the day, I'm not here often (ha), must treat myself to something at Brunetti's.

It's been a tough morning, need to have a cake with that coffee at morning tea.

It's someone's birthday, yes I'll have that jelly slice.

Walking past Gillies (which is no longer called Gillies) may as well have an apple cake.

My ability to justify cake sees no bounds.  For most of last year such treats were about daily.  It has to stop.  And if it doesn't I'll even have to 'fess up to this little addiction -

9. Cheese only once a month

My cheese addiction is bad, nowhere near as bad as cake but more a "once it is in the house I have to demolish it and usually with a slab of quince paste as well".  Less frequently, but always high quality from here I say.

10. No Saturday night platters

The last 18 months has seen a lot of Saturday nights at home.  I initially blame Before the Game - established a little tradition of putting together a few nibbles (cheese, dips, olives, you get the drift) to have with a few drinks as Before the Game marked Saturday turning into Saturday evening.  The platters got bigger, there got to be more drinks and then I'd still polish off the dinner of the night - even after Before the Game left Saturday night.

11 Purchase no new clothes for me before St Patrick's Day

I actually achieved this resolution last year and will give it another whirl.

Some may think it was a bit too easy for last year - I did spend the time from New Year until 9 days before St Patrick's Day in the last trimester of pregnancy but anyone who has been there knows that is, contrary to rational thought, a time you want new clothes.  Probably saved me from a few irrational purchases.

It did set me up for a year of reduced purchasing.  In 2012 I purchased only 12 new items of clothing.  I would usually buy 12 items in one visit to one store.

In some ways, the year that was last year was probably not the best time to not indulge in my favourite hobby (shopping) and best stress relief (spending money), but it did open some new horizons.  I shopped my wardrobe - finding things that I had forgotten I ever purchased, finding new combinations of what to wear with what.

Of course last year it was replaced with shopping for baby girl outfits, shall be interesting to see if I can last as long when I have nothing exciting to shop for (sorry boys, it's not the same).

Why St Patrick's Day - it gives 2 and a half months of no purchasing to break the habit ( a habit which really hasn't been indulged since mid-October in any event)  but gives in to my worry of what would happen if there was something I really had to have for winter and it was sold out by Easter?

And if I stick with resolutions 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, 9 and 10 I will be 3 dress sizes down by St Patrick's Day (in which case I have 4 unworn black dresses in my wardrobe that would get me through winter.....)

12 Finish renovations

It is now 2 years at least since our renovation plans started in earnest: time they got some focus

13. Travel overseas

Mmmmm...

Some would say 13 resolutions is far too many - but really 8 of them are all part of the first resolution, quite focussed really

They are terribly self centered resolutions: none benefiting the wider community, people in need, no career or professional goals (though I admit they are a separate list).  I think it is time to focus on me for a little while.....

Think I might check in here monthly to advise of progress - and hopefully cross most of them off in 6 months time!

thanks for the memories 2012

This time last year we were only weeks away from welcoming Miss T into the world.  Now at the end of 2012, we have had 11 weeks without her: what a lot can happen in a year.

A few people have commented to me: "bet you can't wait for 2012 to be over".  No, 2012 has been an amazing year and in lots of ways I don't want it to end.

The end of the year always brings a lot of reflection - given my birthday is Christmas Eve I suspect I reflect more than others as I contemplate "another year over and a new one begun" both on the calendar and my age.  The thought I can't shake today is as the clock ticks over tonight that will end the only year in which we had Miss T.

Thankfully, largely as a result of the last couple of years including "take a photo a day" resolutions we have lots of pictures....here are the favourites.

From our own cameras, in no particular order:

So, tonight frock up and raise a glass of bubbles in memory of Miss T......

'tis the season

It is certainly starting to feel a lot like Christmas - the hot and balmy weather we have been experiencing exacerbating the Christmas pressure that seems to be on - lots of people out shopping, lots of traffic, Christmas catch ups, the rush to the end of the year.

Everyone in our house seems exhausted, the school year seems to be taking a long time to finish and getting people out of bed in the morning is getting harder.

The world of family law is particularly sensitive to Christmas.

Christmas can be such a difficult time to manage for separated families.  It is logistically difficult, it's emotionally difficult, it's even financially difficult.

This year will be my 19th Christmas as a family lawyer, so here's a collection of hints and tips I have gathered over the years for the separated family:

• Plan ahead.  If you saw the list of things I need to do in the next few days to get my own Christmas organised, you would be forgiven for thinking I am no expert at planning ahead for this festive season.  However, here I am meaning don't put off the difficult conversation with the other party about Christmas arrangements, the closer you leave that to Christmas the harder the task will be.

• Step away from the hype - time and time again I have seen family law negotiations that have almost reached agreement either fall apart of take an unbelievable amount of time and pressure all because of trying to sort out Christmas arrangements.  My observation is that often this happens because people get too caught up in the hype of Christmas and wanting arrangements that either fill that hype or satisfy the expectations of their wider family and friends.  Does enjoying Christmas with your children have to be about seeing them on the day every year?  Will your children benefit more from other special arrangements on another day?  A childhood friend of mine always had Christmas with his Dad on the first weekend in December - I even went along a couple of times and it was great to have a whole different special event on a day dedicated to it.

• Try to work out presents jointly with the other parent.  Don't use Christmas as an opportunity to bribe the kids with gifts, or to compensate for something.  In my work as an Independent Children's Lawyer I often see the negative impact of such games around presents for kids.

• In negotiating Christmas arrangements do your best to ensure that children don't have to be transported long distances on Christmas Day.  Christmas day is not a great day for travelling.  Combine that with the stress and tension of changeover and the risk is heightened.  Avoid it if you can.

• Create new Christmas rituals with your children in your new circumstances, try and create a new magic of Christmas rather than making the old feel awkward

• If you find it difficult to communicate with your ex, avoid alcohol so that you are in the best place to maximise the interactions being pleasant

• Make sure your wider family is on its best behaviour and be particularly mindful of the negative impact on kids of "bagging" the ex.  Be mindful that kids pick up on not only the words but also the unsaid - make sure your mum isn't huffing and rolling her eyes every time your kids mention their mum/dad (yep, I have seen that come back to haunt people in court proceedings)

• It's too late for this year, but start now planning to budget for Christmas next year.  Being worried about not having enough money for Christmas or managing debt after Christmas is added pressure that can lead to blow ups.  

• Again, too late for this year but if you think you and your ex could benefit from some mediation to review or fine tune Christmas arrangements, don't wait until next December - start arranging mediation now.  If you are disappointed with how you have handled things this year, think about a new year resolution of getting some counselling help to work on developing your skills to handle these tricky situations.

There is no denying that following separation, Christmas will never be the same as when your family was together. However, putting the effort in to carefully manage the situation can go along way towards making sure your kids have a great Christmas!

Grief in the digital age

It's 2 calendar months today since Miss T died, I actually only just realised this late in the day that it was the 13th.

Now that sounds ridiculous, everywhere you looked yesterday you were reminded it was the 12th - reminded that it was the 12th of the 12th of 2012.  So of course today was the 13th.

I would have written the date dozens of times today in file notes, looked at it in the calendar, seen it everywhere.  Somehow, it hadn't actually sunk in it was the 13th.

I think it might be one of those strange things that happen to make sure you keep going, I think my mind has shut off from the countdown of how many days since.  In its place I am instead constantly thinking about what if Miss T was still here - that she'd be nine months now, that she would be sitting up, that she might even be crawling or at least moving around a bit.  That the constant worry about coughs and colds probably would have disappeared and instead been replaced by worry about keeping her cool and hydrated in this heat.  And of course the game of what outfit would have she worn today...

I keep going to the reference points I have created, looking at the babies I know that were born within days of Miss T and looking at their progress.  Looking back at the photos of R and R when they were 9 months old, just to remind myself of what she might have looked like at that age.  In my mind's eye she is stuck looking like she looked at about 12 weeks, not even the bouncy baby she was when she died at 28 weeks.

It's funny that even when I wasn't really clicking that it was the 2 month mark today, without even thinking about that consciously, I found myself wanting to talk about Miss T, heard myself cautiously mentioning her name in conversation a few times today.  Saying her name out loud is hard, once it is uttered it spookily sounds as if she is still here.  Plus there is the shudder of people who hear you say it.

It wasn't just me feeling like that today though.  Raff clearly had a day full of Thommy thoughts and for the hour after he on arrived home tonight he managed to bring every conversation back to his Thommy - an explanation of what he would say to someone if they asked where she was (she died so now she is in heaven with God), a description of how her coffin was lowered into the grave and did it land gently or with a bump, even hypothesising how she would have been reacting to him teasing his brother at the dinner table.  All delivered very matter-of-factly by an amazing kid with an incredible ability to think things through, at the age of 3.

I have often thought about the many empty spots in family trees, the many of our ancestors who had children die.  In my maternal grandfather's (there's a phrase only a family lawyer drops into conversation so easily) this was to the extent that one family had a number of names repeated when a later baby was given the same name as their pre-deceased sibling.  I have thought about how those families coped with such grief, was it easier or harder because the death of a baby was more common.

One thing that keeps striking me is how different is grief in the digital age.

Those grieving mothers probably packed up a box of memories of the baby and tried to move on - the box is pretty unwieldy in the digital age.  Turn on the iphone, there's Miss T, turn on the computer, there's Miss T on the screensaver, same for the iPad.  Scroll back through your facebook feed: it's her life in a nutshell.  Feel like remembering with a photo, there's thousands of photos carried with you on the ipad ready to be looked at any hour of the day or night. 

Gee,  if you are feeling brave enough sitting on your phone are the photos of the family holding the still warm but gone Miss T in a random back room of the ED.  Yep, the digital age means you have your camera with you everywhere.  

But the digital age also means we have amazing instant connection.  Amazing support from wonderful friends, interesting banter, constant knowledge to occupy your thoughts.  The ability to engage in 140 characters when it is too hard to hold a whole conversation.

Yeah, I think I'm grateful that I'm not stuck with some small print from a box brownie, even though sometimes turning on my phone causes me to gasp.

Awesome Orla

Well, I couldn't go too long without sharing another area of my expertise, shopping!

Anyone following me on pinterest would have a fair chance of gathering that I am a huge fan of Irish born, now London based textile and many other things designer Orla Kiely

Oh, how I love her retro style stem designs:

I think originally it was the beautiful autumnal tones (so suited for the auburn haired) that I loved - not surprising that Orla another ranga would feature them.  My collection has grown - bags, nappy bag, tins, towels, wallet, scarves, mugs, linen, picture books there's a lot of Orla around here.

So there was a lot of excitement when I spied in my twitter feed today that a new shipment of lots of things Orla has landed a mere 80km or so from home.  Rather than just pinning, or thinking of spending a fortune on international shipping or trying to convince my London based friend to bring some home at Christmas, they are now so close they must be almost mine!

Where you say?

Surely you have discovered the sweet little boutique in Daylesford Lark.  Calling it a sweet little shop in Daylesford is really not doing it justice as it is one of the best internet shopping sites in Australia - swift, sweet service, flat price postage and best of all you can shop online getting things not available elsewhere in Australia with the comfort of knowing you are actually spending your money in regional Victoria!  

Only downside is that the lovely Allison from Lark is more aligned with Ballarat than Bendigo (we do have to be parochial).

Now maybe I should have waited and made a trip to Daylesford and taken some photos of what I am keen to buy but I was so excited to share I'll just link to some of the front runners.  And if you really want to keep dreaming - and you subscribe to The Times Online - this profile on  Orla's own house in Clapham is a must read!

The beach towel

much prettier than Pete's plastic compost containers The composter

 Do I get new towels now or wait for my reno's to be done

Miss T

So, it has been 6 weeks since my darling Thomasina died.  In the past year she was a huge part of my life.  In the last 6 weeks she has been in my thoughts for basically every waking moment.

I think I will be talking a lot about her here - so as an introduction here is the eulogy/words of farewell I gave at her funeral

words of farewell

We always knew that we might not have Thomasina with us for long, but we never expected that it would be quite this short.

Our family could have been complete with just our two beautiful crzay red-headed boys - life was good: Remus had started school, Raff was loving creche, work was going well, the crazy days of Board’s had come to an abrupt halt, plans for the major renovations to Brougham St were well underway.  But something else was needed, and we were blessed with a new little person being on the way.  Debilitating morning sickness coupled with whooping cough didn’t make me feel too blessed in those early weeks and months of pregnancy so making it as far as the 20 week scan, coupled with coming out of the fog of sickness felt good

Felt good until our worlds came crashing down with the news during that scan on Melbourne Cup Eve last year when I first head the words “something doesn’t look right with the heart”.  

And so began 18 weeks of medical assessments, lots of tears, not much sleep and too much “asking Mr Google”.  

I guess now we are living the nightmare we imagined at that time.

Thomasina throughout her short life, right to the very end, looked so well it is sometimes a hard to remember that she was chronically ill and her condition an extremely complicated one: this was no baby just with a little hole in the heart.

Thomasina’s actual condition included:

right atrial isomerism

AVSD - atrioventicular septal defect

DORV - double outlet right ventricle

transpositon of great vessels

bilateral SVC - bilaterial superior venal cava

Or in the way it would be described each day during rounds at the Royal Children’s Hospital - she had a complex cardiac condition.  In addition she is asplenic and had a Ladds procedure on her bowel to prevent a malrotation of the bowel

In common language, Thomasina was what would have been known as a blue baby 20 years ago, not that long ago her condition would have been undetected prior to birth and highly likely she would have died within a few days of birth before the problem was discovered.

We are so lucky that our journey with that complicated anatomy was guided by Thomasina’s wonderful cardiologist Lance Fong with his careful consideration....and his great hope that Thomasina’s heart one day could be repaired.

There was some hope that upon birth she may have lasted 3 months before her first surgery but as we began the constant watch of oxygen saturation levels it became clear that this was not going to be the case and at just over 72 hours she made the trip from Monash to Parkville to undergo her first surgery.  As parochial as I may be regarding Monash, must admit it was much nicer to be in Parkville - closer to Princes Park, Brunetti’s and Black Orange.

Words cannot describe the sense of relief of arriving at the wonderful new Royal Children’s Hospital.  There are a couple of people here today who were part of a team who sat around a cabinet table that made the commitment to build that hospital.  The worth of that building to the people of Victoria should never be underestimated.  

I know a couple of things about building hospitals and their design.  To experience the difference that a well designed hospital can have is another thing all together.  I dread to think how different our experience would have been without those facilities - the natural light, the non-clinical feel, how comfortable it was for Remus and Raff, how good those green couches are.

Thomasina’s first surgery in which she had a modified BT shunt inserted to redirect blood flow around her heart until her heart could be repaired or permanent diversions created took place when she was 5 days old.  I cannot describe the stress of kissing goodbye your 5 day old baby as they head into 5 hours of surgery.  But as her wonderful surgeon Yves D’udokem told us the night of that surgery he “did good” and her journey of recovery began.  It was 4 weeks and another 5 trips to theatre including major bowel surgery before we got to take our Tommy home a few days before Easter.

While that time was stressful, we felt like we should be everywhere at once, it was also some of the most magical times in our lives.  Having a newborn in hospital meant we had to stop, we had to spend a lot of time sitting around, we had to spend a lot of time in Melbourne - Remus was particularly happy with that.

Still, it was a relief to be home.  Yet it was high stress.  A good friend of mine who has had decades of caring for a child with chronic illness compared the stress to always being on safari - you are forever wondering whether that crackle is just a harmless leaf  you stepped on or is it a tiger about to get you.

Everyday there were lots of crackles, and during the 7 months only a couple of tigers.

For 7 months I lived everyday thinking that what happened in the early hours of last Saturday morning was going to happen that day - that there would be a sudden noise, that Thomasina would arrest and that it would all be over. I know that Remus too worried like that, we have chatted this week about how it is so sad that Thomasina has gone but that no longer are we constantly worrying about her.

Her time with us was full of that stress, full of medical appointments and the hours seemed to go quickly between the times we had to administer her medicine which she hated. 

Yet, we had a wonderful time together.

From prior to her birth we were aware of the impact that having a chronically ill child can have on a family - although the warnings it will mean lots of trips to Melbourne had little impact on me, but quite an impact on my credit card!  

We worked hard to make sure we minmised those risks; Remus and Rafferty loved spending time at the Royal Chicken’s Hospital and we had lots of adventures during those times.  During our times at RCH we had amazing support from Felicity - who would magically appear on the ward each evening and often taking me off to some of Melbourne’s best dining experiences for dinner, although the night we just ate grilld in the car in Gatehouse St would probably be the lowest point!

We made a deliberate decision to try and provide Thomasina with as normal life as possible, this was no sick baby who was closeted away at home - she had a magical life where she met so many people.

Thomasina was lucky enough to spend some time at Books and Blocks, I am so pleased we got to share her with the wonderful educators there.  She also spent a lot of time in my office and some time in Pete’s office.  She met many of my clients, could pick up on where they were emotionally and react accordingly and she was a constant joy yet distraction in our workspace.

Thomasina also had a social life that many people 20 years older than her would envy - she spent hours in local coffee shops, went to many a meeting and function and even partied hard at 3 Possum parties - including managing to loose her skirt on the way home from the last party.  

And of course she managed to do what her mother had always hoped to - to charm Kouta.

Thomasina was so lucky to have her two beautiful red-headed brothers.  They fell in love with her instantly, were so kind and loving to her: often Raff a little bit too in her face,  

It was so clear that Thomasina got such enjoyment from the crazy antics and love of her brothers.  While it is horribly unfair that they have had to suffer losing her, I know that they are better people for knowing her and her short life was so much better because of them.

Just 2 months ago Thomasina had another 12 days in RCH and her second batch of surgery where her original shunt was upgraded to a larger shunt. We had hoped that shunt would work for another 12 to 18 months so she could grow before a decision was made as to whether it was possible to attempt all the replumbing which would see her heart repaired or whether she would undergo a Fontan procedure which would see permanent diversions created.  

One of the concerns about which way Thomasina would have gone when that decision came is that there is little data about the long term outcomes of the Fontan procedure - the donations we have suggested today to the Murdoch Institute will go to the work of the Fontan Registry, a project conducted by her wonderful surgeon Yves D’udokem looking at those long term impacts.

Yves description of where he wanted Thomasina to get to was encapsulated in his description that success is where his patients grow up and pay taxes.  That became our aim, a nice way of describing that one day Thomasina would be grown up, well enough to be employed.  After the last surgery we started to imagine that could be the case.  We also had a massive sense of relief that we would have 12 to 18 months before the next surgery. 

Since the famous day in the Nursery on Derby Day 2001, Pete and I have been a pretty good team - but the past 12 months have shown us just how far we could take that team.  It has been tough: the sadness upon initial diagnosis, juggling where we all were during the times in hospital, living for 7 months with only a couple of occassions where we got to sleep for more than 3 hours at a stretch, the constant stress.  But we have done it well, we have had fun, we have done a lot of things.  It has been a very special time and I thank Pete for sharing that time, for putting up with me in the less than glorious moments of my tiredness and stress and for never asking how much I spent on Thomasina’s outfits.

Last Saturday morning we did the ultimate thing parents can do for their child as we worked together to breathe life back into our Tommy.  Those of you who know me well would not be suprised that my CPR technique was probably a little too rough and enthusiastic but I was giving it one big effort despite knowing that we had always been told that there is nothing that could be done if Thomasina had a collapse or blockage of the shunt or an arrest.  Being able to perform CPR when it matters is an amazing opportunity, you don’t need to do a first aid course to learn - I urge all of you to get on the Ambulance Victoria website today and order their 4 steps for life kit where you can learn CPR on a pillow in an afternoon.

In the past week as we have grappled with why Thomasina has been taken and taken so soon, we have realised that she truly did bring something special to people in her short life.  It is amazing to see that in a life so short you could have an impact on so many people.  Whether it is our family, our friends, the many people she got to know through facebook and twitter, our workmates, my clients so many people have been touched by Thomasina.  

We are particularly comforted that Thomasina bought special happiness to two very special people: Nick and Claude.

Clearly she has taught us how fragile life can be but also how strong we can all be.  She has taught us that there is joy in the little things, in the special moments.  And this week has proven that there is an amazing benefit to living in the community of Bendigo where so many people have supported us.  Yep, as the world becomes more global we become more tribal and while the global bit of internet and facebook lightened our journey with Thomasina it is our village that has made her life so special.

To Remus and Rafferty, thank you for being such wonderful big brothers, for being so brave and for loving Tommy-ina so much.  While we are sad she is no longer with us, we will have wonderful times together still and I reckon Remus you might even get to go to London sooner than we planned....

My arms ache as I don’t hold my darling girl, a piece of me has been torn away.  Now all I can do is borrow the words of another red head in a much different context. 

We will never forget you Thomasina - not now, not ever.